Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
