apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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