Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
