Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
