dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
