I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
