Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
