i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
