If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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