Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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