My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
