wat bout pragnant strippers??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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