Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
