How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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