his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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