They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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