I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
