I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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