Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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