So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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