what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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