Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
