Please don't use social media to get back at me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
