please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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