yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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