I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's just like the Real World with babies
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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