My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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