is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
