Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
