I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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