the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just threw up on my dentist
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
