Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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