Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
