You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize