She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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