she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
