I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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