So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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