It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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