Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize