I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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