I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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