Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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