HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize