Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
