whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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