someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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