How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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