You smell like a Billy Joel song
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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