dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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