sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
