i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
