And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
