smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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