My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
