is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
