I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
