Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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