she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
