i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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