There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
