You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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