WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
