her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
...so i touched it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
