This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
