i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
