I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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