I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
