I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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