I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
