I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
