i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
