Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
