Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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