So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
