belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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