ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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