Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
