Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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