So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
